comfort.

being away from home is sometimes difficult. and you crave familiarity and just all around comfort. so much so that you sometimes do strange things. you eat too many tootsie rolls because even though there is chocolate here, it just doesn't compare to a tootsie roll. you look through old pictures. you constantly check your email to see if you have messages from people back at home. you snuggle up and take a nap with your ratty stuffed animals even though you are an independent 21-year-old. you write messages to your friends about inside jokes in an attempt to feel closer to them. you decide to make pancakes at ten o'clock at night because you just want to eat something familiar, something that tastes like home. you read student news even though none of it really applies to you. you have your computer set up to check the weather back at home even though it is 3,800 miles away from where you are. you download podcasts from gordon because the sound of familiar voices is comforting. you love getting emails from your mother about nothing in particular, just the regular daily ins and outs of life back at home because it makes you feel not so far away.

week in words.

so i just posted my week in photos and i'd thought i should go a bit deeper and describe my week with words.

last sunday i met up with a guy from my linguistics class at starbucks to work on our project together. it was fun. i got a hot chocolate. funny thing is that starbucks are the same all over the world. it really didn't feel like i was in peru. they look and feel just like back in the states. kind of a weird thing. it's like you almost forget where you are. after that i went home and skyped with my good friend susanne for a bit. unfortunately the internet connection was a little choppy but it was good to chat with her for a little bit.

on monday i got up as usual to start another week. arrived at la catolica for class and picked up my purple linguistics shirt (see picture in previous post). apparently the department of human sciences is having a sports competition in between differently majors of study. so all the linguistics students got these shirts and i was offered one because i too am a linguistics student. it was sweet of them to include me. i had lunch and saw amelia for the first time in like 10 days because she had been away on a field trip to the jungle with her anthropology class (rough life down here in peru). i learned how to renew library books! exciting. turns out that the first renewal must be done online. as in you aren't allowed to do it in person. strange? i think so. but luckily there is a nice man who works in the library and took the time to help me out. then my code and password weren't working so i couldn't renew online. but we finally got it all figured out. then i went to my anthropology class. and then came home. nothing out of the ordinary.

on tuesday i did my exposición in my linguistics class. each week we have a section of text to read for the discussion. and each week a student is in charge of leading the discussion. last week it was my friend luis miguel and i. and tuesday was my day to speak. so i sat there and shared about movement and deep structure and surface structure and traces and government and binding theory and have cliticization. all in spanish. i was terrified. but it went well. i mean i know it wasn't perfect, but i'm pretty sure that i made myself understood and i even made a joke and they all laughed. so it went better than expected. and after it was over i felt very relieved, but not completely. i still had an essay to write for wednesday. on tuesdays i eat lunch with some friends from cbu and we practice english. well they practice and i help. it's a lot of fun and i'm always impressed by how well they speak.

it always catches me by surprise when i realize how much of an influence english has. i mean most students have a basic understanding and can read (and are required to read) academic texts in english. it's crazy. i guess i never realized the importance of english in the rest of the world and how fortunate i am that it is my first language. most people want to learn english. they want to come to the u.s. they watch our movies. they listen to our music. on one hand it's kind of cool, but at the same time i think it's unfortunate and a bit sad. sometimes it seems like they are placing english and the u.s. above their own language and culture. language is such a part of your culture and who you are and that has value. i think that is important. which is why i'm learning spanish. as a way to connect with other people, in order to say "i value you and your culture. i want to be able to communicate with you just as you are, you don't have to change to be of value to me." so i think it sad that people feel that in order to be of worth or to be successful that they need to learn english. and it may be true. there are so many more opportunities when one knows english. and that's just a fact. it may not be fair, but that is how our world is. i am beyond blessed by the all the opportunities that i have being a u.s. citizen and knowing english. and sometimes i don't like it and i feel guilty. because it is unfair. but i've decided that instead of feeling guilty i should take advantage. i have the ability to do so much and i should feel guilty if i don't take full advantage of everything that is offered to me.

ok, back to tuesday. while i was chatting with my friends my phone rings and it's my host mom. she says that a package has arrived for me but she needs my passport number. so i give it to her and hope that it all works out and that my package will be there when i get home. then i headed over to the library to write my essay for my anthropology class. i asked amelia and sam to come and see me in the library so i could give them my story to hand in during our creative writing class because i couldn't go. i needed to get that paper done. and i did! afterwards i was so proud of myself and was in a really good mood. i finished around 5:30 and waited for them to get out of class at 6. then we walked down to plaza san miguel for gelato. i love gelato tuesdays. afterwards i came home to find the package from my mommy in my room! yay! my mom is the greatest ever. you can see the picture with the contents of the package below.

wednesday i had planned to get up early and call my nephew drayton because it was his 10th birthday. unfortunately i slept through my alarm. but i got up, showered and went to my linguistics class. afterwards i ate lunch with amelia and our friend miki. and we played bananagrams. i'm spreading it to peru. then i went to my anthropology class and turned in the essay. and came home after class.

thursday i got up and went to la catolica. on my micro were two ladies that i decided to call the sunshine sisters. two elderly ladies with white pants, a pale yellow shirt with bright mustard colored cardigans. and they had matching yellow and white purses. it was pretty cute. then i got to school and had some time to kill so i went to the computer lab. i opened up my email and got the news that a good family friend mrs. steffens had passed away early that morning. that was hard. but i composed myself and was able to get through my class. although it was a bit hard to focus throughout the day. went to cbu and played some pretty crazy games! then had lunch with everyone and had quite a few laughs. then it was off to the library to do a bit of research. after sam and amelia got out of class we got on a micro together and amelia and i got off in parque kennedy and went to mcdonald's and chatted. then we entered the park and shared some super delicious arroz con leche (a popular dessert). then we went to the grocery store metro and amelia bought a pumpkin. then we headed to a café and had some tea and chatted some more. we got caught up on each other's lives. it was nice. and our waiter noticed our pumpkin and asked us about it. apparently it's a new thing here in peru. so he was curious. it was funny.

friday sam and i met at 9 in miraflores to take our taxi to deporte y vida. as usual it was a long day, but very rewarding. the kids are so adorable and the teachers are wonderful. we arrived and when we got there norma, the head teacher, told us that neyler (the cutest, sweetest, smartes 10 year old peruvian i know) was just about to leave because he thought we weren't coming. he didn't have any homework but had come just to see us and hang out with us. so he was happy to see us. we played monopoly with him for 2 and a half hours. and not just any monopoly - it was the peruvian version: with street names of lima and what looked like handmade property cards with typos. and the money was all the same color - white - except for the blue fives. and there were no houses to buy. it was pretty entertaining. but i am learning a lot of random rules for games in peru, and they seem to apply to any board game. such as you need to roll a six to start. and then if you roll a six throughout the game you get to roll again. which can get a bit confusing with two dice because if you roll two sixes, you roll two more times, but if you get another six you roll again for that six. it just gets hard to keep track of and it's hard for me to do so much mental math in my head. but neyler made sure to keep track. no one actually won, we just stopped when it was time for the kids to leave for lunch. then sam and i had lunch and attempted to get some homework done. we usually just end up talking. which is nice too. in the afternoon we were a bit more productive in helping with homework. i did some drawing and some english and some sentence writing. funniest part was when i was helping this little girl and she was looking at my arm and said "miss, you're white aren't you?" and i was like, yes, i am. they are so funny. and curious. and sweet. at 6 our taxi came to get us and thus began the most uncomfortable taxi ride ever. only because i really had to go to the bathroom. you see the facilities at deporte y vida are rather primitive so i prefer to just hold it. but i had drank too much during the day and i was about to explode! we made it to sam's apartment after practically running the 4 blocks from where the taxi dropped us off. then up the elevator to the 6th floor and i was dancing around. finally i was able to go. then we went out to eat at an arab restaurant. so delicious. then we headed over to amelia's house. she had made a pumpkin pie with her purchase from thursday. very impressive. and it was yummy! i thought that i didn't like pumpkin pie but then i realized that i had never actually tried it. so i tried it and i like it!

on saturday i met up with sam and amelia at a biofería in miraflores. basically like a farmer's market. it was pretty cool. then we went over to our friend sean's house for lunch. we got off at the bus stop but weren't exactly sure where he lived. so sam called it. but turns out we don't have sean's number we have carlos' number. oops. good thing that i remembered when chris showed me his apartment when we passed it on the micro one day because i led us to the right building. but then we had to figure out which apartment he was in to ring the bell to get in. so we stood there for a little bit trying to figure out what to do. then a janitor came out and asked if he could help us. so we asked if he knew where our friend sean lived. here is the conversation:

"hi. we are looking for our american friend sean. he is tall and has a beard and is gringo, like us. he is living with a peruvian family in this building."

"do you know the name of the family?"

"um no. but his father is italian. and his name begins with an s"

"is the father tall?"

"yes..."

"try number 302"

"ok."

so we rang apartment number 302 and it was correct! yay! so we got in and went on up. so sandro (sean's italian peruvian father) made us lunch. yummy italian food: lasagna and spaghetti. so delicious. then in the evening we (sam, amelia and i) met up with some guys from cbu to eat pollo a la brasa and do karaoke. it was so much fun! so i made my karaoke debut last night singing shakira's hips don't lie.

i woke up on sunday aroun 11:30 and stayed in bed until 12. that was nice. i finally got up, had some breakfast, took a shower and did some homework. then i walked and met my family at a chinese restaurant for lunch around 3:30. then back home again. where i've been updating my blog and chatting. i skyped with my parents tonight. which is always nice. but makes me miss them even more.

alright, this turned out to be way longer than expected. so i'm going to wrap it up and go to bed.

but before i do here is a link to my channel on youtube. i've put some videos up from last semester and will continue to upload more. enjoy!

azsawyer's youtube channel

week in photos.

monday: my linguistics t-shirt, complete with my name in the phonetic alphabet

tuesday: package from my mother!! complete with candy, brown sugar and bananagrams

wednesday: playing bananagrams by myself instead of doing homework

thursday: a view of a typical dashboard on the micro. you get used to it.

friday: aleksandra and sayuri - two chicas at deporte y vida. i love aleksandra's smile.

saturday: amelia resting because her eye was bothering her. after a delicious italian lunch.

family.

i love my family. they are a big part of who i am today. i am a daughter, sister, sister-in-law, cousin, and aunt. they have taught me what a family should look like. and it looks like love. and that love looks like helping each other out, driving around grandkids, watching movies and making popcorn, helping with the dishes, going fishing together, laughing together, praying before dinner, taking care of each other, watching sports games, playing hide-and-seek, and the list goes on. my parents are the ones who set the example with their godly relationship. i greatly admire them for raising five children over the years.

i can confidently say that i am where i am today because of the sawyers. they are the reason that i decided to go to gordon - i wasn't ready to leave them. i wanted to be around and be an aunt to my nieces and nephews. and choosing gordon lead me here to peru. and one of the hardest things about peru is that my family isn't here with me. peru is becoming a part of me, just like my family is, but the two don't mix. family is way up in massachusetts (and a little over in ukraine) and peru is down here. it's hard not being able to join the two, but i think i've found a way to balance it out. i've found a family down here. not just in my host family, but also a family of believers, of brothers and sisters in christ. which is what will make peru be difficult and good at the same time. i'll be returning to one family but leaving another behind. it will be really nice to go back to the sawyers. i'm missing them big time.

and today is a special day for the sawyers, it's drayton's 10th birthday. it may sound cliché but i really can't believe that he's 10. i totally remember going to the hospital to meet him for the first time. i was in sixth grade when i became an aunt for the first time. it's been great watching them all grow up and change from little babies to actual people with personalities, abilities and interests. and one of dray's personalities just so happens to be black spiderman:

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY DRAYTON!!

right now.

right now i am happy.

want to know why?

-i did my exposición - it went relatively well.

-did my anthropology essay.

-there is now only one major project separating me and BUENOS AIRES.

-gelato tuesday.

-package arrived from mom today

-goldfish

-brown sugar

-apple cider packets

-hot cocoa packets

-peppermint patties

-tootsie rolls

-smarties

-popcorn

-trident gum

-BANANGRAMS

-clean sheets for my bed.

-strawberry-mango smoothie with dinner.

-peruvian friends.

-american friends.

-my Lord and Savior.

"wonderful, so wonderful

is your unfailing love

your cross has spoken mercy over me

no eye has seen, no ear has heard

no heart could fully know

how glorious, how beautiful you are.

beautiful one i love you

beautiful one i adore

beautiful one my soul must sing!"

focus.

i'm learning that things tend to look different

depending on what you choose to focus on.

------------------------------------------------

[thanks to my wonderful friend sam for the idea of taking these pictures]

kittens.and.pancakes.

monday october 11th: a beautiful afternoon at larcomar

tuesday october 12th: the typical parking spot, green grass but with concrete so that you can drive on it and not damage the grass. pretty smart if you ask me.

wednesday october 13th: i ate way too much canchita.

thursday october 14th: ice cream from burger king with sam. complete with shovels as spoons.

friday october 15th: the cute little kitten that spent some quality time on my lap during my deporte y vida.

saturday october 16th: i made pancakes for breakfast.

here's to happiness.

i've been feeling a bit sad lately.

so i'm trying to focus on the happy things in my life.

so here is a little list of things that currently make me

terribly happy

1. sunshine. just makes the world a bit brighter.

2. when someone tells me that i speak spanish well or

that i barely have an accent any more. i just can't help but smile.

it's just nice to hear someone else say that all my hard work is actually paying off.

3. getting to skype with wonderful people.

(most recently: jennie-rose, laura and sarah mo)

4. this song: Rock of Ages

5. this verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7

6. The Message's version of the same verse:

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.

Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers,

letting God know your concerns. Before you know it,

a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good,

will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when

Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

7. the noise my boots make when i walk.

8. canchita serrana.

9. the realization that i am blessed by having wonderful friends

who are actually interested in my life and concerned about how i am doing.

and vice versa - they are people that i care deeply about.

10. napping.

sometimes.

Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll sneeze out my nose ring.

Sometimes when I read comments on Facebook in my head I hear the voice of the person that wrote the comment.

Sometimes I actually miss Lane food.

Sometimes I sleep too much.

Sometimes I spend the whole day in my pajamas.

Sometimes I pretend to be listening or paying attention but I’m really thinking about something completely different and unrelated.

Sometimes I don’t want to be here.

Sometimes I never want to leave.

Sometimes I wish I were raised bilingual.

Sometimes I forget how to spell simple words in English.

Sometimes I can’t find a word to say what I want in any of the three languages I know – English, Spanish or French.

Sometimes I pretend I can talk to animals.

Sometimes I make up life stories about the people I see walking around.

Sometimes I would rather be alone.

Sometimes I need people around me.

Sometimes I go a whole day without praying.

Sometimes I consider deleting my Facebook.

Sometimes I hate putting forth any sort of effort.

Sometimes I enjoy a challenge.

Sometimes I eat peanut butter right out of the jar with a spoon.

Sometimes I don’t understand what is going on, but I laugh just because everyone else is.

Sometimes I feel like I’m making progress.

Sometimes it’s like I haven’t learned anything and I’m right back where I started.

Sometimes I don’t pay attention in class.

Sometimes I skip class.

Sometimes I do things I know I shouldn’t.

Sometimes I’m a pirate.

Sometimes I eat ice cream for dinner.

Sometimes I eat pizza for breakfast.

Sometimes I can’t believe how wonderful my life is.

Sometimes I lie.

Sometimes I wish I were a kid again.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I miss my Mom and Dad.

Sometimes I pretend that I have things all figured out.

Sometimes I like walking around campus listening to my iPod because it’s like I’m listening to the soundtrack of a movie of my life.

Sometimes I think that running away and living in the Andes mountains sounds like a very good idea.

Sometimes I cheat at Uno.

Sometimes I eat too much chocolate.

Sometimes I daydream.

Sometimes I'm jealous.

Sometimes I'm funny.

Sometimes my humor doesn't quite translate.

Sometimes I feel like I belong.

Sometimes I feel so incredibly out of place.

Sometimes I worry way too much about what others think of me.

Sometimes I don't drink enough water.

Sometimes I take on more than I can handle.

Sometimes I try to do everything myself.

Sometimes I need help.

Sometimes I forget to depend on God to give me strength.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life could be.

Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark.

Sometimes I sleep with stuffed animals.

Sometimes I talk to myself.

another week gone by.

{monday oct.4}

my friend dani with santa clause

{tuesday oct.5}

oops.

{wednesday oct.6}

they are selling pumpkins!!!

amelia was quite excited.

{thursday oct.7}

oops.

{friday oct.8}

delicious meal cooked with sam and megan.

pecan chicken, rice and veggies.

{saturday oct.9}

the white board in my kitchen.

{sunday oct.10}

cute graffiti of a window box.

little tid-bits.

I recently realized that I have been doing a terrible job of keeping this blog updated with what is going on in my life. So here are a few little tid-bits of what my life has been like as of late. Let's see, where to start...

I'm currently in the midst of midterms. I don't have any actual exams, but instead projects and essays to do. I think I'd prefer to take an exam. None of this reading a 400-page ethnography and then answering questions comparing it to another one of 180 pages. No thank you. Side note about reading the 400 page ethnography, library books can only be checked out for a period of 4 days. How am I supposed to get all the reading done in such a short amount of time? I suppose I could renew the book, but wait, during midterms you aren't allowed to renew books. Strange? I think so. So I've just got to plan out when I check out books and when I'll actually have time to read them. I think I've got it figured out. But it's still a bit frustrating. I also recently found out that I have 3 major projects/essays due within two days of each other - two on Tuesday and one on Wednesday. It's a bit stressful and overwhelming, but I'm just trying to take it a little bit at a time, because honestly that's all I can handle.

So I guess since it's midterms that means that the semester is halfway over. What? When did that happen? I haven't yet decided how I feel about it because thoughts are pretty mixed. But I think I've come to the conclusion that I want to go home but I'm not ready to leave Peru. (I'm not so sure that I'll be ready come December, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.) Yup. That's how it is. So I just try not to think about it. I've got to be here now.

I started attending a church here in Lima about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I go each sunday with my friend Anna from CIEE. It's a Christian Missions Alliance church. I really enjoy it although we haven't met anyone and aren't involved in any way. I just don't have the time to make a commitment to something else, but Sunday morning worship is necessary. We've decided that we really like sitting in the balcony - one of the reasons being that it provides a better view of the cute drummer. Gosh, that sounded so girly and high-schoolish. Oh well. I promise thats not the only reason we go each Sunday.

Alright...what else can I share? I leave to go to Buenos Aires in 19 days!!! I am so incredibly excited!!! I LOVE traveling and haven't been out of Lima yet this semester. I'll be going with Amelia and our program director Melvin. Since Amelia and I are here for our second semester we've already been on the program trips to Cusco and Lunahuaná so we get to take the money from those trips to go on another trip. We chose Buenos Aires!!!!

Oh, here's a good story. So on Monday I was asked if Sam and I would be able to do something "special" for the meeting that CBU was leading on Thursday night. All of the CBUs from different universities in Lima get together once a month and they rotate which university is in charge. This month was "our" turn. And we were asked to help out. Which is great! It made me feel good to be included. But at first we were a bit unsure. It seems a little bit like throw the gringas up on stage and watch them be funny. Amelia decided that we are not circus freaks, as much as it may seem like it at times. Once we established that that is not what it was about, Sam and I decided to participate. All we were told was that they wanted our "special" act to be funny. Alright. So we thought a bit and decided to do that skit where one person has their hands behind their back and the other person stands behind them and puts their arms through and acts as their hands. We didn't tell them what we were going to do but we promised that it would be funny. They all seemed very curious and a bit unsure, but I guess they trusted us or something. Also the day of the meeting (Thursday) we were eating lunch and one of the guys asked me to help him lead worship, aka singing with him. Well I wouldn't say that I've got a great voice and I've never really sang in front of anyone, but I wanted to help him out and he seemed a bit desperate. So I agreed. It turned out alright. And our little skit went well. There were probably about 50 peruvians in the room and two little americans. We were so worried that they wouldn't think it was funny, but they laughed. And we got positive feedback throughout the night. I made a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich and ate it. Which meant that there was PB&J everywhere. And drinking out of the water bottle proved to be quite the challenge. But like I said, it was successful. And our friends are still friends with us so all is good.

So I suppose I should wrap it up, go eat something and do some more homework. (Who am I kidding? I probably won't do anymore work.) I hope all is well wherever you happen to be. I'll be posting some pictures from my week tomorrow.

week in photos.

[monday sep. 27]

ugly traffic on javier prado in the morning

[tuesday sep. 28]

gelato tuesdays with sam and amelia

[wednesday sep. 29]

hydrangea flowers on campus

[thursday sep. 30]

los danzantes tijeras (scissor dancers) at la dama juana

[friday oct. 1]

out with some friends from cbu for pollo a la brasa

(l to r) ángel, jonatan, amelia, miki, paola, nora...and me and sam

[saturday oct. 2]

oreo truffles made with love by abby and amelia

[sunday oct. 3]

christmas items are already in stores.

a bit early it seems.

(i (obviously) didn't take this one, but it still counts)

abigail

[abigail]

in hebrew the meaning of the name is: father rejoiced or father's joy. gives joy.

in spanish there is a word for when you share a name with another person:

tocayo - when you share the same first name

colombroño - when you share the same last name

homónimo - when you share the same first and last name

i have yet to find anyone here in peru that share my last name but i have found 3 tocayos.

1. when i was activating my id card in the library last semester the man working at the front desk informed me that his daughter is also named abigail.

2 & 3. two little girls at deporte y vida (the organization where i volunteer in villa el salvador)

the first little abigail is 6 years old. a few weeks ago i was helping her with her homework, but she was a bit distracted because she was also in charge of taking care of her 1 year-old brother. i could tell that she was really into her homework but she kept on having to get up to go and find her brother, or to comfort him when he fell down. after most of the kids had finished their homework the teachers put a movie on. abigail just wanted to watch the movie, so i told her that i would watch her little brother. she kept on looking over and checking up on him. it was very sweet. i found out from norma, one of the teachers, that abigail probably wouldn't be going to school that day because she had to watch her little brother. we asked abigail and she confirmed, her mother had gone to work and she was to take care of her brother. can you imagine that? a six year old in charge of her brother for the whole day? it broke my heart knowing that this little abigail doesn't have a chance to be a kid, she has to be a mother.

and this is the other abigail:

i think we've formed a special bond because we share a name. whenever i arrive she always runs over to me and gives me a big hug. she wants me to pick her up and play with her, and i'm happy to do it. we play hand games where she is singing the song and i'm just trying to follow along. she is very sweet and loving, but she also gets into trouble. she is often hitting other kids and getting into fights. the other kids tease her a lot and she will come running to me to find shelter and protection. as she hides behind me the other kids whine and say "but she hit me! she pushed me!" i try to calm them down and they eventually give up and run off again. then i turn to abigail and tell her not to hit the other kids. and she looks at me with these eyes that pierce my heart. i can see pain and hurt. i don't know what her story is, but i can sense that it is not a happy one.

and it makes me think of a song by maeve, and i pray that i may be able to whisper peace into this little girl's life.

"whisper peace"

i want to rock you in my arms,

let you cry, let you cry.

i want to take on your pain

get it out from inside.

i want to hold you in my arms

and put God's hand around your heart.

whisper peace.

whisper peace.

it didn't take too long

for you to get inside my mind.

the mystery of the world

seen through your eyes drew me in.

i wanted to know every thought inside your head.

why were you spinning?

i want to rock you in my arms,

let you cry, let you cry.

i want to take on your pain

get it out from inside.

i want to hold you in my arms

and put God's hand around your heart.

whisper peace.

whisper peace.