Registered and Reflecting

I am once again officially a student at la Católica. After a few stressful days trying to figure everything out it's done. I'm registered. Amelia and I slept over at our friend's apartment the night before because she lives like a 10 minute walk from school. So we got up and left her place around 6:30 am and got to school around 6:45. We got there to find most of the other CIEE students already there. So Amelia and I were numbers 24 and 25. But luckily everything worked out and I got into all the classes I wanted.

I am taking 4 classes this semester with a total of 15 credits:

1. Análisis Lingüístico (Linguistic Analysis)

2. Temas de Lingüística Contemporánea (Themes of Contemporary Linguistics)

3. Etnografía Amazónica (Amazonian Ethnography)

4. Taller de Narrativa (Creative Writing Workshop)

I'm actually pretty excited about my classes. Although it is a whole lot more work than last semester, but my classes are super interesting. I love being in the linguistics classes, I guess I just love linguistics. I just find it so interesting. I'm slowly making friends and starting to feel more comfortable in class.

The highlight of my week was most definitely Thursday. I have been struggling a lot with having the confidence to speak up in class. Let me just say that I'm shy, and I like to have people's approval. Sometimes I think I'm a bit too hungry to be accepted by others and forget that I just need to be myself. But Thursday was a breakthrough. I told Amelia that I really want to talk during class but I always got too scared to. So she decided that I had to say something in class on Thursday or else she was going to "punish" me. I wasn't exactly sure what the punishment would be, but it was enough to really push me. So Wednesday night I re-read the reading and prepared a whole page of notes and things that I could possibly say during the class on Thursday. First of all I was running late that day and was afraid that I would be late to class, but luckily I got there and the door to the classroom hadn't even been opened yet. And the professor ended up being like a half hour late. So she started class and as I was in the process of mustering up the courage to share my one intelligent comment that I thought was simply brilliant, someone else spoke up first and said the same thing. Ugh. Bummer. I was immediately discouraged and almost shut down completely and gave in to accept Amelia's punishment. Then I thought about all the advice and encouragement that I had received in the past week. Then all of a sudden I had an idea, and before I knew it I raised my hand, and the professor said "Abigaíl?". That was my cue and I shared my comment and as I was listening to myself I thought "Ok, this isn't so bad". When I had finished the professor said "Exactamente!" which further fueled the emotional high that I was on. And want to know something else? No one in the class laughed or snickered or thought me to be stupid. Isn't that awesome?!?! I sure think so.

So Thursday started a streak of great days for me. (The streak is still going on) Friday Amelia and I met for lunch at an arabic restaurant in Miraflores. So delicious. Then I had a new experience. For the first time ever I went to Polvos Azules. Literally translated would be "blue powders". Figuratively translated would be "Peruvian black market filled with really inexpensive things". So you might as well throw an eye patch on me and give me a parrot because I'm basically a pirate. Anyways polvos is this huge warehouse filled with seemingly endless aisles and small stores - shoes, clothes, music, movies, and other random items (such as statues and skateboards). Amelia and I each bought a pair of boots - fashionable, not quite practical for the New England winters, but good for fall. Then we moved on to the movies. Each disc is 2.50 soles (which is less than a dollar!). So I bought 10 movies. It was a good first experience for me.

Saturday I woke up and went to Amelia's house for breakfast and we made banana pancakes. Delicious!! Then we all (Alejo, Mateo, Paula, Sra María, Amelia and I) squished into Alejo's car to go and visit Kika at the hospital. She is doing well but still has a long way to go. She made sure to tell us to keep praying. Then we went back to Amelia's house for lunch - pasta with a pesto sauce. Then I came home and made a few phone calls before taking a nap. I got to talk to some good friends of mine - Jennie (it was her birthday!) and Jenna (my recently engaged best friend). It was really good to talk with them. I miss them and all my other friends so very much and I can't wait until December when I get to see them all again!

Sometimes I get really homesick and all I want to do is catch a cab to the airport, hop on a plane and go home. Home to where my family is, home to where my friends are, home to what is familiar and comforting, home where I don't have to face so many difficulties and challenges. But since when are challenges such a bad thing? And what is so challenging about my life here in Lima? I think the most challenging thing for me is having everything being so uncertain and different. My friendships here aren't the same as back home, the food isn't the same and my life is just different. But why am I longing for everything in my life to be the same? Well because thats how I like it. I like continuity and I don't really like change. I take the same micro every day. (at home) I drink a glass of milk every night with dinner. I get thrown off when there is a new register overlay at the bbq. I always do things right-foot first - pants, shoes, socks, etc. I like routines and schedules and knowing what is going to happen. But here in Lima there is just so much that is unknown. So much that just won't fin into a routine. So much is different. And having everything different and unknown is scary for me. Because I have no control over it, and I like to feel like I'm in control, like I can handle it. So when I get overwhelmed and feel like I can't do something I try to find a way out. Instead maybe I should look to the one who can do all things and who has promised never to leave me or forsake me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified

because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you;

he will never leave you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6

"By faith Abraham, even though he was

past age -- and Sarah herself was barren --

was enabled to become a father because he

considered him faithful who had made the promise."

Hebrews 11:11

So the moral is: I don't have to be scared of what is unknown to me. And right now many things are different and thats ok. Things don't have to always be the same. It seems that my most difficult and different experiences have been the most rewarding - Russia, Mexico. And I know that when I'm at home I get antsy and just feel unsettled, and I feel the same way here. I wonder if I will ever feel satisfied. Will I ever feel like I completely belong in one place? Maybe I'm not supposed to. It's like I want the excitement and adventure of change, but I want things to stay the same. Why can't that happen? Why can't everything stay the same but be new and exciting? So for now I guess I'll just try to be here now because this is where I am and I can't really be anywhere else.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and

try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms

and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it,

live along some distant day into the answer."

- Rainer Maria Rilke -

Why Not?

I've been back in Lima for 10 days now, and those days have been filled with all sorts of adventures, emotions, excitement and disappointment. So I'll try to get you all caught up.

I got here super early on Tuesday morning (last Tuesday, the 10th), went through customs without any problems whatsoever and got 183 days on my visa. (Which is exactly what I wanted) Then a very nice taxi driver (hired by CIEE) took me to my home in Surco and we had a very lovely conversation. It was nice to know that even after a month of not speaking Spanish I was able to hold an intelligent conversation with a native speaker. I called my home when we were on our way so that someone would be awake to unlock the door for me. Alfredo got up to let me in. I dragged all my stuff in, hugged Ruth and went to sleep for a few hours. In the afternoon I went over to la Católica for the volunteer meeting. And guess what happened? First time back on a micro and the peruvian time warp got me. The streets are even bigger of a mess than before and traffic is worse. I really didn't think it was possible to get worse, but it did. Oh well...thats just how it goes here in Lima. I spent the next few days going back and forth to la Católica doing some pre-registration stuff (side note: I was thinking of taking a class called History of Spanish I, but I am not able to. Want to know why? Apparently you have to know Latin to take that class. Hmm...where is Dr. Bird when you need him?) and trying to get to know the new group of students. I think I have all their names down. But I'm not positive. Its been kind of hard to get to know them because I came in after they had all gotten to know each other and I'm not taking the CIEE classes so I don't see them much. But they all seem like very cool people and I hope to get to know them better throughout the semester. Friday I called my mom at work because I think she was getting worried about me. On Saturday CIEE had a cultural activity - we visited an arqueological site called la Huaca Pucllana. Some wicked old ruins literally in the middle of the city of Lima. That was pretty cool. Then I went out for lunch with my friend Sam from Gordon. (Oh yeah, by the way there are two girls, Sam and Dani, from Gordon that are studying here this semester. Its so nice to have a friendly face down here and someone who understands where I'm coming from and someone that I can talk about Gordon stuff - people and professors - with.) Sunday I went to church with the Webers - a missionary couple that my home church in Peabody supports - and had lunch at their apartment afterwards. In the evening I was able to skype with my parents which was awesome. We even did the video skype and it was great to be able to "see" them sitting together, its almost like we weren't separated by thousands of miles. But it also made me a bit homesick.

Monday was the official star of classes at la Católica. I had a long list of classes to try out this week. Monday ended up being a very long and stressful day. I got home around 10:15 pm and had a bit of a breakdown. Everything seemed to happen all at once. But life goes on and I'm doing better. So this week was filled with going to classes and trying not to get stressed and overwhelmed by what is to come. I will *hopefully* be taking 4 classes, which really isn't all that much. I take 4 classes at Gordon and yes I have work to do, but it's never incredibly stressful. But here in Peru everything just seems 10 times as difficult. So I'm just trying to stay calm and make friends in my classes so that maybe they'll be willing to help me out if I start drowning. Next Monday (the 23rd) is registration day, so after that I'll have a set schedule and actually get down to business. I *hope* to be taking:

Linguistic Analisis

Themes of Contemporary Linguistics - (this semester's theme is Chomsky)

Amazonian Ethnography

Creative Writing Workshop

(3 out of the 4 are in facultad, aka upper level and intimidating)

So we'll see how that goes on Monday. In the meantime I'm doing the work for these classes, which is a lot of reading. I really enjoy the linguistics classes and only wish that I would speak up in class every once in a while. It's scary. I think about something to say, then I chicken out and don't say anything. Grrr. I frustrate myself. Then yesterday in Themes of Contemporary Linguistics we were discussing the reading (which I did and enjoyed). I saw that the professor was taking note of who was talking during the discussion and so I thought to myself, ok Abby, just say one thing today, just one, you can do that. So all class I was trying to find the right time to say something - anything. Sometimes I was planning out what to say in my head, then another student would step in and say what I was going to say - and in a more eloquent and intelligent way than I would have ever come up with. I don't know why I hesitate so much, I mean I am intelligent, I can discuss topics such as language competency and the innateness theory, but it's just so much more difficult in Spanish. I have all these ideas and thoughts but they are stuck in my head with no way of coming out in a way that even makes sense and doesn't sound completely ridiculous. So I really need to work on just putting myself out there and going for it. I mean what's the worst that will happen? I'll slip up and make a grammatical mistake? Big deal. The other students will think I'm stupid? Well I'm not. Or maybe, just maybe, they'll respect me more for trying. I sure hope it turns out to be the last option.

Yesterday afternoon after classes Amelia, Sam and I hopped on micro #28 to go to Amelia's house in Barranco. There we watched "10 Things I Hate About You" and had cheddar popcorn (not very good, but hard to stop eating). After the movie we ended up spending 3 hours in her kitchen just talking. And it felt good, refreshing almost. I'm so blessed to have good friends who I can just be around. I don't have to try, we can just sit (or stand) and talk for hours without running out of things to say. Its great.

So I'll leave you with some wise words from a song called "Why Not?" by (no I'm not ashamed to say it) Hillary Duff. Sometimes I enjoy a good blast from the past and right now I'm in need of some inspiration to step out and take a chance. So, why not?

So why not
Take a crazy chance?
Why not
Do a crazy dance?
If you lose a moment
You might lose a lot
So... why not?
Why not?

You always dress in yellow
When you want to dress in gold
Instead of listening to your heart
You do just what you're told

You keep waiting where you are
For what you'll never know
Let's just get in to your car
And go, baby go

Why not
Take a star from the sky?
Why not
Spread your wings and fly?
It might take a little
And it might take a lot
But... why not?
Why not?

So why not
Take a crazy chance?
Why not
Do a crazy dance?
If you lose a moment
You might lose a lot
So... why not?
Why not?

hellogoodbyes

(maybe it should be goodbyehellos...but that doesn't sound as good.)

goodbye 55 pleasant, hello 278 juan de rada.

goodbye mom and dad, hello ruth and alfredo.

goodbye sarah, hello amelia.

goodbye corn from daddy's garden, hello choclo.

goodbye wenham, hello lima.

goodbye little black honda, hello micro #35.

goodbye rt. 128, 1A, 97 and 95, hello benavides, aviación, javier prado and ayacucho.

goodbye english, hello spanish.

goodbye summer, hello gross lima winter.

goodbye stop&shop, shaws, crosby's and market basket, hello vivanda, plaza vea, metro and wong.

goodbye farm fresh milk, hello weird milk from a bag.

goodbye at&t, hello movistar.

goodbye riverview pizza, hello madre natura.

goodbye panera, hello manolo's.

goodbye gordon, hello la católica.

goodbye u.s., hello perú.

goodbye u.s. dollar, hello nuevo sol.

goodbye big comfy bed, hello not so comfy bed.

goodbye cellphone, hello skype.

goodbye shorts, hello jeans.

goodbye sandals, hello clogs.

goodbye sunglasses, hello scarves.

goodbye chicken parmesan, hello ají de gallina.

goodbye apple-grape-raspberry juice and iced tea, hello chicha and inca cola.

goodbye sunshine, hello clouds.

goodbye logan international airport, hello jorge chavez international airport.

goodbye fahrenheit, hello celsius.

goodbye comfort zone, hello adventures.

little letters from wenham

dear 55 pleasant st.,

i am thoroughly enjoying your wonderfulness.

dear hodgie's ice cream,

i don't really understand your size of your ice cream, but it sure is delicious.

dear neighbors,

thanks for letting us use your pool.

dear little groundhog,

sorry.

dear lane student center,

i can't wait till you're all done and new and pretty.

dear friends from lima,

i miss you.

dear corn in daddy's garden,

i don't think you'll be ready in time.

bummer.

thats ok.

dear sarah,

come home soon.

i need to talk to my best friend.

dear midnight pomegranate body lotion,

you smell very very pretty.

dear west church,

i'm so glad that i get to spend time with you.

dear tv in my room,

you are a blessing and a curse.

dear abby,

stop watching tv and start reading books.

i hear its better for you.

dear apple-grape-rasberry juice,

you are absolutely delicious.

i wonder how well you'd travel down to peru...

dear bed,

why can't you fit in my suitcase?

dear gilmore girls,

although i've seen every episode, i still enjoy watching.

dear amelia,

i need you back in my life.

dear good harbor beach,

you are beautiful.

dear atlantic ocean,

you are freeeeeezing cold.

but i love you anyways.

dear peru,

i miss you.

"I can't believe I just did that"

This is a post that was written on Monday June 7th.

After I pierced my nose.

But I kept it a secret from most people here at home so I couldn't post it.

So here it is:

I skipped Spanish class today. Got my nose pierced instead.

S/.40= $14 USD. Good deal. And I felt comfortable. Eso es lo más importante (Thats the most important thing). The place had a laid back atmosphere. It was very clean and everything was new and sterile. The guy even showed me the packet with the needle to prove that it was new. So I feel good about it. Strange that I can't drink alcohol or eat pork, ají or fish for a while. Who knew? But yeah, I still can't believe I did it. One minute Audrey, Amelia, Chris and I were discussing it and the next thing I know we plan to skip Julio's class and get it done. So maybe it was a bit spontaneous, but nothing wrong with that. I think I need a bit of it in my life. And I did think about it. I didn't do it to enhance my beauty or because I am insecure about my appearance. I think I did it because I am pretty secure. And I really do like that verse that Amelia shared. I think its going to be one of my life verses. Like, all right God, You are the one who makes me beautiful. Its because of who You are and who You've created me to be. I could adorn myself all I wanted, but without your Holy Spirit inside of me, it wouldn't mean anything at all. I'm Yours.

"I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew up and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels. Your breasts were formed and your hair grew, you who were naked and bare. Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you," declares the Sovereign Lord , "and you became mine.

I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you...

I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. ...You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect" declares the Sovereign Lord.

[Ezekiel 16:7-14]

packed and ready

its sunday afternoon.

the final game just started.

my bags are packed and i just took a shower.

my apologies, this post will be a bit scattered seeing as that is currently how my brain is.

funny/ironic thing that happened last night:

i learned that there is always a first for everything. even on my last night. i forgot my keys for the first time all semester and was locked out of my house. luckily my family was home and let me in. but it made for a good joke for a while.

so i'm flying out tonight, arriving in nj tomorrow morning and then boston in the afternoon.

stopping at panera on the way home for lunch.

life is wonderful.

i feel good about leaving. i'm ready for a break. as much as i love living in lima, it is emotionally draining. my brain is constantly working overtime to understand and communicate. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. i love it. i love the challenge. but i am really glad to see my family and be in a place that is familiar. someplace where i don't have to work so hard. lima is starting to become like that. but it takes time. time that i'm willing to spend because it is worth the effort. i really do believe that. as much as i've struggled this semester i don't think i would change anything. not to say that i don't want to do things differently next semester, because i do. i'm very excited about next semester. i'm excited about taking real classes, about continuing friendships, about traveling. it'll be good. so as happy as i am to go home, i am also excited about returning. this loud, dirty, confusing, friendly, cloudy, exciting city has made its way into my heart. its becoming a part of me.

i guess now would be an appropriate time for a list.

i know you all love my lists. =)

things i'm excited to do while i'm home:

panera

bertucci's

riverview

abbq

beach

west church

church softball games

punch on the mall

family

my bed

my ceiling fan

bagels

mom's pizza

out for breakfast with dee

friends

milk

chocolate frappes from richardson's

peppermint stick ice cream with chocolate jimmies

driving

swimming

lamb and spaghetti

apple-grape-raspberry juice

corn on the cob

things i'll miss about lima while i'm away:

my family

my friends

speaking spanish

la católica

marion and melvin

maní confitado

yogurt

micro rides

deporte y vida

the sol

madre natura

churros

chicha morada

inca kola

world cup craziness

the lists are a little unbalanced. oh well.

the house currently smells a bit smoky. want to know why? we're having a parrillada (barbecue-cookout-type deal)! i'm pumped.

alright. thats all for now.

all set to travel - crosswords and canchita.

(as i was packing up i was wearing my sunglasses, getting ready for the northern sunshine.)

be here now.

well hello and happy wednesday to you all. i'm currently enjoying my first full day of summer vacation. i took my last exam yesterday morning which means that i am officially a senior in college. when did that happen?

as my first semester here in peru is coming to a close i've been pretty busy finishing things up and saying goodbyes and such. last night i went over to caitlyn's house to say goodbye. she left this morning to fly back to the states. it was sad. caitlyn, (i know you'll read this eventually) thanks for being such a good friend. i appreciate your rationality and ability to help calm me down when i got overwhelmed. you're great and i can't wait to see you again!

last week we had our final dinner with all the ciee students. that was fun. and absolutely delicious. a very nice all you can eat buffet. note to self - don't eat anything the day of this dinner next semester in order to fully enjoy the experience. then there was the goodbye cocktail with students and families. that was also nice, but not on the food scale. just on the company and conversations scale. it made me think of the first time we all met our families and how nervous we were. or maybe it was just me who was super nervous. but anyhow i can remember feeling completely awkward and how we were going through those preliminary get-to-know-you questions. wow. i've come a long way since then. in many ways.

me with my parents =)

laura and i

laura, caitlyn and i in our católica sweatshirts.

last sunday night caitlyn, amelia, laura and aprill came over to my house for a little lonchecito, a small dinner type thing. we had empanadas, apple pie and hot chocolate. and then we had some good conversations about all sorts of things ranging from boys, to leaving, to friends to crazy host families. i've really been so blessed by my friendships here. sometimes i get discouraged but i should really learn to focus on the good things. sometimes i get frustrated but then i remember that things don't always have to be easy.

so my first semester is quickly coming to a close. i leave in just four days. and my remaining days are quickly filling up with last minute shopping and hanging out with friends to say goodbye. i'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, but i'm just trying to take it slow, soak it all in and really enjoy it. i'm trying not to focus on what i'm going to do when i get home because i want to be here now (sound familiar to anyone?)

and currently being here now means watching the spain-germany game. i'm really hoping that spain can pull it off. i was pretty disappointed to see south america get ousted by the netherlands yesterday. maybe next time.

alright, time to wrap it up. my mind is racing on a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions. maybe i'll take a nap. probably will.