"so you're home for good now?"

the title was the first question that my little 5-year-old niece asked me on monday night when i saw her for the first time. she wanted to know if i was home for good or going back to peru. here is how the little conversation went:

z: are you home for good?

me: yes. i'm living at home now, i won't be going back to peru.

z: so you'll be here forever and ever? until you die?

me: sort of.

((big hug))

of course i must admit that i simplified things a bit when i responded to her. i know that i'm not going to be here forever and ever until i die. and i know that some day i'll be going back to peru, but for now, i'm home. and home is a wonderful place to be.

everything at home seems to have changed, but it still feels familiar and comforting. my house actually feels smaller, or i feel bigger. maybe it's me that changed. things around here have changed as well: we have a new ceiling fan in the kitchen, they finally paved the road through downtown ipswich so now it's not a crazy game of avoid-the-potholes, there is a new shelf in the garage, there are curtains in the bathroom, etc. but there are some things that will never change that bring so much comfort: the way the heat smells when it kicks on in the middle of the night, the squeaky floors, skim milk from richardson's farm, the way my sister and i can always find something to laugh about, the way the sanctuary smells at church, etc.

but of course feelings are mixed and it is strange to finally be home. to know that i won't wake up in lima, that i won't take micro number 35 to la católica, and that i won't see be meeting up with any of my friends for lunch. peru has been my life for the past ten months and it's is all about to change. big CHANGE. nothing will ever be the same again. i am not the same person that i was when i boarded the plane on february 25th. i'm still unpacking and figuring out what this whole last year has meant to me. how it has changed me, how it is changing me.

but just because something is over does not mean that it's gone. i'm not about to put perú in a box, close it and stuff it in my closet. i can't. it's become a part of me. i'm not exactly sure how, but i'm sure of it. and i'm going to carry it with me forever. the friendships. the lessons learned. the adventures. the things learned about me and about my God, the way He brought me through it all.

so, what is next? that is the big question. christmas is coming, then in january i will be returning to tijuana, mexico to la casa de la esperanza orphanage with mexico outreach, then starts my last semester at gordon college. and after that, who knows? but it's alright. i'm just taking it one day at a time. remembering where i've been, where i am and trying to figure out where i'm going. step by step, day by day. i'll figure it out soon enough, and at just the right time. that seems to be the way He works.