joy, love, hope.

i don't know why it has taken me so long, but i think it's about time that i write about my most recent trip to mexico. now when most people think about mexico thoughts of tacos and mariachi and deserts and such come to mind. and more recently thoughts of drug-trafficking and kidnapping and murders and violence. and especially when the border city of tijuana is mentioned, thoughts immediately jump to drugs and violence, and rightfully so. the city of tijuana is considered as the second most dangerous city in all of mexico and plays a huge part in all the illegal drugs that are brought from mexico to the u.s.

but for me it is a different story. instead of thinking of all that my mind immediately goes to this place:

and to these people:

these beautiful, wonderful, kind, caring, loving, friendly, funny and inspiring people who i have come to know and love over the past four years.

let me share with you some of the people that i have gotten to know.

--m. is reserved, loves joking around, enjoys history and is a good cook.

--l. is a sweetheart who loves to have fun, and can also be dramatic.

--a. is very friendly, a good conversationalist, and a good cook.

--r. is a hard worker who cares about and loves his family very much.

--k. is a typical boy-crazy 15-year-old girl who is overdramatic, she also has a kind heart and loves her family.

--y. is a mature, trustworthy young woman who is gentle and kind with a great laugh.

--c. and j. love having fun, being silly and laughing.

--e. has a sweet heart, a caring personality, and a beautiful smile.

--m. is quiet and mature, and he likes to just spend time with us.

--j. is quiet, but very funny.

--m. is smart, patient, helpful and fun.

--c. has a gentle nature and is also very friendly.

--m. is such a sweetheart, but has a bit of a temper when he doesn't get his way.

--b. is a little jokester and loves attention.

--a. just likes being silly and having fun.

--n. is a diva

--a. is stubborn but has the most adorable smile.

--p. and m. are strict and firm, but they really love the kids and what what is best for them.

--c. seems scary and serious, but she loves joking around and is very patient.

--s. is a little punk who is good at sports.

--j. is quiet, kind and has a beautiful smile.

--e. is a gentle, godly man who cares very much about people.

of course that is not all of the wonderful people that i associate with mexico, but it is a start. it's just a little look at what and who and why i have fallen in love with a country that people are scared of and don't know what to do with. but i have figured out what to do with mexico: love the people. love them in all of their brokenness and pain and hurt. and love them for what they are doing in the midst of such suffering. thats what i love about la casa de la esperanza en tijuana - it's joy in the midst of pain, it's love in the midst of hatred, and it's hope in the midst of despair.

waking up to a winter wonderland.

maybe it's naive or immature, but i still think that there is something almost magical about waking up on a snow morning, peeking through the blinds and seeing your world covered in snowy whiteness.

that is what i woke up to this morning. after a 6 am text message and phone call from gordon letting me know that all classes before 11 am are cancelled. can you believe that? i'm getting snow days in college. never thought that would happen. but it does, and actually quite often. last week my second day of classes got cancelled, which was a nice way to sort of ease into the semester. but even with a rather slow start, i am already overwhelmed by all the work i have. but that usually happens at the start of a new semester. you get the syllabus with all the work and assignments for the whole semester, no wonder i got overwhelmed. so i just took a step back, and realized that i don't need to worry about everything at once. so i'm just taking it one day at a time, making a list for the day and focusing on that. i can't handle any more than that right now.

on the road again

i've been home for 23 days now, i think its about time to get out of here.

don't you think so?

so i'm heading out tonight to meet up with the mexico outreach team from gordon. we leave boston tomorrow morning to fly to san diego. we'll be working with habitat for humanity for two days in san diego then crossing the border into tijuana and we will stay at the orphanage la casa de la esperanza for a week. i don't think i can even begin to describe how incredibly excited i am to return to la casa, to speak spanish again and to see some of the kids.

some of those wonderful kids featured here in a video from two years ago:

la casa de la esperanza is one of my favorite places in the world, and i always just feel right when i'm there. so i'm off to go love on some niños and feel right about myself.

two-thousand-and-ten.

so i've come to realize that the year 2010 will forever be etched in my mind as "the year i lived in peru". how cool is that? i personally think it's wicked cool. the year brought, as every year does, good times and bad times. but i feel overwhelmingly (is that even a word? please forgive my improper english if it isn't.) blessed because the good time exceedingly outnumbered the bad times in 2010. which i think is the most important. i'm learning that life isn't supposed to be all flowers and butterflies and happiness all the time. it's not always going to be easy, but God will remain faithful and will always be with you. i know that because He said he would, and He always keeps his promises. i didn't always know it at the time, but looking back now, i can see that God was with me every step of the way this past year.

and now for some highlights of 2010:

dancing with ale at la casa de la esperanza, tijuana, mexico.

visiting my best friend at school.

celebrating my 21st birthday with my new best friend.

trip to ica, huacachina, nasca and paracas

with some really great people.

hiking in and out of the "world's deepest canyon".

illegally lunching at machu picchu with these two

after we discovered the "llama room".

getting to know these wonderful ladies.

getting my first manicure.

gelato tuesdays.

playing monopoly for almost 3 hours at deporte y vida.

hanging out with my best friend in buenos aires, argentina.

eating at crepes and waffles.

getting to know these wonderful people. (cbu-pucp)

spending the day with rosa, my sponsorship child

with compassion international.

taking jumping pictures with amelia.

spending my fridays at deporte y vida.

trip to arequipa/puno with sam and amelia.

christmas with my awesome family, that i missed so much.

i remember...

(quick confession, i stole this idea from my good friend amelia's blog. hope she doesn't mind)

i remember when the taxi picked me up from the airport back in february and i just stared out the window trying to convince myself that i was going to live there for the next ten months.

i remember when we had orientation and melvin told us all the "important" street names and then went in one ear and out the other.

i remember when i found out that i'd be sharing a bathroom with my two brothers, and that the bathroom was off of their room meaning that i would have to go through their room to get there.

i remember when we spent long days of intensivo with julio.

i remember when i figured out how to buy the básico at la cato.

i remember when i discovered all sorts of new slang: jato, calato, pucha, miércoles, chévere, asu, yuca, piña, pata, etc.

i remember feeling like i didn't even speak spanish.

i remember when amelia thought it would be a good idea to feed deer #14 her orange peel, leading to us being attacked and me getting deer-nipped in the butt.

i remember how amelia loved telling that story to all our peruvian friends.

i remember getting sucked into the peruvian time warp.

i remember the time someone on a micro asked me directions and i was able to understand the question, i knew the answer and was able to respond.

i remember when we stayed at a hostel in ica in the middle of the desert and there was a lack of water in the bathroom.

i remember when we were sitting in the bus station in lima wondering if chris was going to meet up with us in ica and then he walked right in.

i remember when we were chilling in the hostel in ica wondering when chris was gonna get there and then he knocked on the door.

i remember the first time i tried anticucho, without knowing that it was actually grilled cow's heart.

i remember the way alfredo would always call me gabby.

i remember when we saw the most beautiful stars in huacachina.

i remember when amelia and i found the best pizza place in all of buenos aires.

i remember when amelia and i ate so much parrilla that we never wanted to see meat ever again.

i remember when i said something in linguistics class the professor said "excelente!"

i remember when i skipped spanish class and got my nose pierced.

i remember when i was woken up by amelia at 1 am saying "abigail", and then how i had to remove the blankets from the bed because they caused a blister on her eye.

i remember when the nice storekeeper came out and told me that he had overcharged me and gave me my money back.

i remember when sam and i saw flamingos in the andes mountains.

i remember when there was a man who brought his rooster on the bus from arequipa to puno.

i remember going out for pollo a la brasa.

i remember when i tried sushi for the first time.

i remember when we tried (unsuccessfully) to have melvin take jumping pics of amelia and i.

i remember when i spent all day in gamarra getting t-shirts and toys to give to the kids at deporte y vida for christmas.

i remember when we painted the murals and don victor was quite particular about what he wanted: baby chickens, friends for the fish, a bird to go with the nest, eyes on the fish, fruit on the trees.

i remember when aprill informed us that we needed to have "a lizard on a rock in the foreground" because she likes lizards.

i remember when i saw a woman get dragged off the micro and robbed.

i remember when sam and i made a friend named david at la lucha and he dedicated poetry to us.

i remember when we saw david again on our last night out in lima and avoided him.

i remember the first day of cbu when amelia and i ended up in the picture and we decided that we had to come back because we were in the picture.

i remember when they wanted sam and i to do something funny.

i remember when we found out that miki and jonatan are good dancers.

i remember when amelia and i hiked into colca canyon and rode back up on mules.

i remember when i tried kraps and crack for the first time.

i remember when i went to polvos azules for the first time.

i remember when i would make pancakes for my family.

i remember when everyone thought it was the coolest thing that i could make balloon animals.

i remember when we would play bananagrams with cbu after lunch.

i remember when i would sit in my room and eat peanutbutter straight out of the jar.

i remember all the long, good talks with sam and amelia about faith and god and life and peru and boys.

i remember all this, and so much more.

"so you're home for good now?"

the title was the first question that my little 5-year-old niece asked me on monday night when i saw her for the first time. she wanted to know if i was home for good or going back to peru. here is how the little conversation went:

z: are you home for good?

me: yes. i'm living at home now, i won't be going back to peru.

z: so you'll be here forever and ever? until you die?

me: sort of.

((big hug))

of course i must admit that i simplified things a bit when i responded to her. i know that i'm not going to be here forever and ever until i die. and i know that some day i'll be going back to peru, but for now, i'm home. and home is a wonderful place to be.

everything at home seems to have changed, but it still feels familiar and comforting. my house actually feels smaller, or i feel bigger. maybe it's me that changed. things around here have changed as well: we have a new ceiling fan in the kitchen, they finally paved the road through downtown ipswich so now it's not a crazy game of avoid-the-potholes, there is a new shelf in the garage, there are curtains in the bathroom, etc. but there are some things that will never change that bring so much comfort: the way the heat smells when it kicks on in the middle of the night, the squeaky floors, skim milk from richardson's farm, the way my sister and i can always find something to laugh about, the way the sanctuary smells at church, etc.

but of course feelings are mixed and it is strange to finally be home. to know that i won't wake up in lima, that i won't take micro number 35 to la católica, and that i won't see be meeting up with any of my friends for lunch. peru has been my life for the past ten months and it's is all about to change. big CHANGE. nothing will ever be the same again. i am not the same person that i was when i boarded the plane on february 25th. i'm still unpacking and figuring out what this whole last year has meant to me. how it has changed me, how it is changing me.

but just because something is over does not mean that it's gone. i'm not about to put perú in a box, close it and stuff it in my closet. i can't. it's become a part of me. i'm not exactly sure how, but i'm sure of it. and i'm going to carry it with me forever. the friendships. the lessons learned. the adventures. the things learned about me and about my God, the way He brought me through it all.

so, what is next? that is the big question. christmas is coming, then in january i will be returning to tijuana, mexico to la casa de la esperanza orphanage with mexico outreach, then starts my last semester at gordon college. and after that, who knows? but it's alright. i'm just taking it one day at a time. remembering where i've been, where i am and trying to figure out where i'm going. step by step, day by day. i'll figure it out soon enough, and at just the right time. that seems to be the way He works.

la cordillera de los andes

[enanitos verdes]

quién te ha visto, quién te ve

en la cordillera de los andes

nunca me dejas de sorprender.

viento blanco que más da

que por mí pueden pasar las horas

quiero estar contigo un tiempo más.

y así podrán pasar los años

y yo tomar mil direcciones

sé que he dejado un mundo atrás

siguiendo siempre un ideal

como un valiente cazador de las estrellas.

se vive la libertad.

se siente la libertad.

te envuelve la magia del lugar.

quién te ha visto, quién te ve

en la cordillera de los andes

nunca me dejas de sorprender.

viento blanco que más da

que por mí pueden pasar las horas

quiero estar aquí un tiempo más.

hay una nube pasajera

tocando los picos nevados

sé que he dejado un mundo atrás

siguiendo siempre un ideal

como un valiente cazador de las estrellas.

se vive la libertad.

se siente la libertad.

te envuelve la magia del lugar.

(rough translation)

who have you seen, who sees you

in the andes mountain range

you never cease to surprise me.

white wind, what more can you give,

that for me the hours can pass by

i want to be with you a bit longer.

and this is how the years will pass

and i'll make a thousand decisions

i know that i've left a world behind

always following an ideal

like a brave hunter of the stars.

one can live the freedom.

one can feel the freedom.

the magic of this place surrounds you.

who have you seen, who sees you

in the andes mountain range

you never cease to surprise me.

white wind, what more can you give,

that for me the hours can pass by

i want to be here a bit longer.

there is a passing cloud

touching the snowy peaks

i know that i've left a world behind

always following an ideal

like a brave hunter of the stars.

one can live the freedom.

one can feel the freedom.

the magic of this place surrounds you.